This is in continuation to my first post: Why You Should Fall in Love. If you haven’t read that, you might want to do that first.
Now, that we are all on the same page, let’s begin. The love I received was stupendous. Something that blows you off your feet. Every day, you think about her and talk to her and it’s beautiful and then it’s gone. Just like that, she is no more in your life. Now what. Every day, your mind habitually wanders back to her and you hurt. Sheer agony. Your heart (for some reason, I don’t know) literally burns.
Now, this all seems terrible. Then, why should you experience this. Because, only now you are capable of appreciating love. Not the person or the situation. Now, you can appreciate love, in its truest form, from everyone and everywhere.
At that point, I had the most robotic room-mate possible (In his own words, he doesn’t understand emotional stuff as well as other people do). I had told close friends that I was going through hell and I might behave strangely. So he knew, but he did not understand what was happening to me. What moved me was this. He tried to understand me. He did not counsel me or advise me or enforce his rationale onto me, he just was there. I asked him to play this or that song, and he would seem perplexed, but he kept his thoughts to himself and simply played. If you know him, then you know that this does not come naturally to him. He tried to help.
When I talked home, my mom always figured out that something was terribly wrong with me, just based on how I said: Hello. The first thing she asked everyday was: What’s wrong? Had food? I said everything is okay. She kept asking everyday. I suddenly realized, that in loving that person for 3 years, how could I be so ignorant of my mom. How can I take her for granted, just because someone else says those sweet nothings. How is my mom’s love not love?
An Ode to CKF
I have a group of friends; we like to call ourselves CKF. These people were so incredibly supportive that I am forever in their debt. They did not pity me or mock me, they treated me normally, tolerated my melodrama and taught me that life is more than one person. I spent the entire month travelling across India with them. We ate and ate and ate, and did what we do best across several cities: bakchodi. Since then, we have studied and danced and sung and done all crazy shit together. (We did this in front of the entire college). They pulled me out of my bad times and showed me the world.
A Family of footballers
In order to save my relationship, I had given up sports. After the breakup, one day my other room-mate, caught me by my hand and dragged me to the field against my will. I had the best room-mates ever! After playing, I felt ecstatic. I immediately realized that giving this up was a mistake. Next semester, I went to the field to train, hoping to get a chance. I felt guilty because I had betrayed this team in their time of need. I wasn’t expecting friends. Instead of being cold, these people showered me with immense respect and made me their captain. Till date, I love them and yearn for the times we have spent on the field. I don’t know what makes us so blind to this kind of love?
One day, I went someplace in a rickshaw. On the return trip, I said: Bhaiyya, kuch acha khila do. Jo aapka mann kare. He took me to a famous stall and said: Yaha Muska Bun bahut acha milta hai. We ate that in silence. I paid. We returned. I will admit that the bun was not the best, but I thought: Well you know, even strangers can enjoy each other’s company, which means that I can enjoy the company of 7 billion people and yet, and yet I choose to be depressed over that one person. I know it sounds cheesy, but this did really happen.
When I was hurting, I used to dim the lights, put on music and feel my pain. And then one fine day I cried. And I found that crying is one of the best things you can do. You embrace your pain; you feel it and love it. From then on, I have always believed that pain makes you feel more alive than joy ever will. It is as beautiful as happiness is, but considered to be taboo. If you can learn how to enjoy it, trust me, you will never want to run away from it, you will love it too like joy.
With 3 – 4 hours free everyday, I took up several hobbies: Reading, Writing, Playing Football, Guitar, Literary Club, Academic Secretary work. I thought about myself and understood myself so much better. Because of this, now I know when I am down and use my devised outlets. I know what will vent out my frustration. I have become independent. It does not matter whether she or anyone else is there or not. My life is defined by me and I can enjoy life the way it is.
Today, after graduating, some days, juniors call me to their rooms. They make a cup of tea, offer it to me and we sit and talk. Just a simple casual talk. And my heart is filled with delight in their company, knowing that I can receive affection from all around me.
So, Why Should You Have Your Heart Ripped Apart? Because, then you understand that love is a matter of receiving. You don’t wait for that one person to come. You take it from everyone who is around you. You learn that love has other forms too and does not only have to be romantic. Your family and friends and strangers, they are all out there to love. Life is the same, pain and pleasure are both life giving, it is how you choose to take it that matters.
By falling in love and by coming out of it, I understood that love is really a choice, not a consequence of fate. Love does not have to happen with one person, it can be with life and with everyone who is a part of it. Most importantly, I learned that everything has an expiry date, and you should enjoy the time while it is yours and cherish gone days when it’s not.